Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
