just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
