Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
