M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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