Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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