So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
