im having a threesome with these popsicles
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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