At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
