did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
