I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
