She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
