Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
