Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
