She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
love makes seman taste better
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
