Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
