White coat. Heels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
