So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
