weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
