he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
