Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
