Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
