i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
