butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
