im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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