Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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