just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
