I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
