I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
