Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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