i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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