Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
