he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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