hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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