Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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