i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
