i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
