you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
