history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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