There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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