6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
