Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
