so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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