On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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