Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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