stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
