More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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