This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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