Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
