You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
