We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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