I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
